EXCLUSIVE: A son whose father vanished after leaving a suicide note in 2003 has revealed the pain of living without answers for more than 23 years as he holds onto hope
For more than two decades, Kevin Fasting has held onto a sliver of hope that his dad is still alive. As millions mark Father’s Day today, the 44-year-old faces another poignant reminder of the closure he has been denied since his father vanished without a trace.
Kevin Fasting Senior was 49 when he disappeared on November 21, 2003. Having recently started a new job delivering meals on wheels in Liverpool, he left his parents’ home in Aigburth exactly as he would any other working day.
A neighbour spotted him at a nearby bus stop and offered him a lift but he declined. It was the last confirmed sighting of him.
What followed was the beginning of a lifelong nightmare for his family. Before leaving, Kevin Senior had written a note to his children, apologising and telling them that they would be “better off without him”. Not long before his disappearance, he had also attempted to take his own life.
While the note bore all the hallmarks of a suicide note, no body has ever been recovered. More than two decades later, the lack of answers keeps the family suspended in an agonising limbo.
“When my nan and grandad got up, he’d already left for work as he usually would,” Kevin recalled.
“He just left a note to me and my sister, just to say that he was sorry, that he’d let us down and that we would be better off without him. After that, you’re expecting to find the body. Then, as the weeks go on, you don’t find the body.
“Then you get some hope and think ‘he must not be dead because you would have found him’. Then the weeks turn into months, then into years, then into two decades – and here we are.”
For Kevin, the absence of definitive proof has left him unable to fully process his loss.
“The hardest part is the closure,” he said. “You can’t grieve because they could walk in the next day. It’s just worry to begin with but you’ve still got hope. There’s no single point where you think, they must be dead.”
The final conversation between father and son remains etched in his memory.
At the time, Kevin was studying at Leeds University and spoke to his dad on the phone every evening. The night before he vanished was no different.
Looking back, he now believes his father may already have made his decision during that final call.
“I spoke to him on the Thursday night and he seemed quite down, so he must have known he was going,” he said.
“There were certain things that had happened back home that my family hadn’t told me about, but I did sense something was off.
“I thought he was getting back on his feet. It turned out he tried to commit suicide. It felt like he was getting back on his feet, but it was all too much for him.”
Despite the harrowing nature of note, Kevin still wrestles with uncertainty over what happened.
“I assume he killed himself because he did leave a note, but when you don’t find a body you start to think maybe he’s just gone and started a new life somewhere.
“I don’t think he killed himself straight away. I think maybe he thought he’d let everyone down, so he’s left to do us a favour.”
The trauma of unanswered questions is magnified by the fond memories of how his father was before everything changed.
“He was very kind. The best dad in the world,” Kevin said. “I was super close to him. He was my hero. He was very popular. Everyone liked him.”
Among his treasured memories are simple moments from childhood spent in a simple family home.
“My main memories are when I was really young, watching TV and laying on his chest watching Only Fools and Horses. I think back to that period of my life when I was five, six, seven years old and your life is all about your parents.”
Today, those memories are accompanied by a handful of treasured possessions. Kevin still keeps his father’s Liverpool City Council ID card and wears a St Christopher chain, just as his dad always did.
“I’ve got very few photos,” he said. “The ones I have are treasured.”
As the years have passed, Kevin has chosen to channel his grief into building something remarkably positive.
After graduating from university and working in recruitment, he launched a business named entirely in his father’s honour: Kevin Edward.
“When the police had stopped looking, I wanted to generate money to advertise on bus stops and keep the dream alive,” he said.
“That was the initial plan, to bring him home.”
The business has grown far beyond his initial expectations. Today, Kevin owns between 35 and 40 companies and employs more than 100 people. His sister Becky, runs one of the firms. Kevin says his professional success has allowed him to support family members left devastated by the disappearance.
“I tried to build a life for him if he did come back,” he said. “Make him proud and look after the family members that were left.
“That’s why I named the business after him. As the years have gone on, it keeps me motivated and it keeps his legacy alive.”
Now a father himself to two daughter’s, Sienna, 14, and Isabella, 13, Father’s Day has taken on a dual meaning. He focuses on celebrating the family he has built, while ensuring his children know about the grandfather they never got to meet.
“If I didn’t have kids, it would all be thinking about loss,” Kevin said. “It’s Father’s Day for them. We do celebrate him. When I do a post, I’ll also post about my dad. I use it as a reason to remember him. I speak about him a lot with them. The girls talk about Grandad Kevin.”
Even after 20 years, the grief still catches him unexpectedly.
“You might not think about it that much, but it can just hit you out of the blue,” he said.
If he were given the chance to speak to his father one more time, there is one thing he would want him to know.
“The man I’ve turned into now could easily save people like him,” he said. “I mentor people now. He would’ve been the easiest one to save. We didn’t have the easiest upbringing, but the life I’ve created now, he would’ve been living the dream. I just wish I could’ve had my brain now back then.”
If anyone has any information about Kevin’s disappearance, they can contact Missing People’s helpline.
