As Dry January begins, father of three Jay Motty shares how he turned his life around after years of problematic drinking. And we reveal the GP-approved tips for cutting down and staying on track
“I started drinking at 14 with friends in the park and thought I was the life and soul of the party, wise cracking here, there any everywhere. Right from the word go I drank to excess. But as I hit my late teens and early twenties my drinking started to cause problems,” says Jay Motty, 45, a YouTuber who lives in Manchester with his partner Laura, 39, who runs her own printing business and their children Lily, 15, Ellis, 10, and Esmae, nine. “I couldn’t hold a job down, bouncing from one to another, turning up hungover or calling in sick.
“I’d spend money I hadn’t got. I’d get into fights. I took drugs. In the early 00s I was charged with possession and spent six months in prison until the charges were eventually dropped. I came back out and started right where I left off. All my romantic relationships broke down because my priority was alcohol. I’d go out on a Friday and be back on a Monday and they wouldn’t have heard from me. In my 30s I was still doing it.
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But then, in 2014, my partner Laura put her foot down. By then we’d had our daughter Lily, and she demanded I step up. I wanted to be a good dad, and Laura was the love of my life. I was in danger of losing my family. So that June, I decided to quit. I didn’t know how long I’d be able to do it, I just took it one day at a time. I’ve been sober now for 11 and a half years.
I thought I’d be bored, and boring, and have no mates. I didn’t think I’d be able to enjoy myself. But I was wrong. My life got better when I stopped drinking. I’ve had more kids, I’ve enjoyed success in my career. Most of my mates were actually relieved when I binned the booze, because they’d been babysitting me on nights out for years – I’d get in some right states.
While I thought I was Peter Kay when drunk, I probably wasn’t as funny as I thought I was – more of a liability. My humour is much sharper now I’m sober. I can remember all my conversations too, and that makes me a better friend.
I think Dry January is brilliant because it opens up the conversation around taking stock of your drinking habits. Until I stopped I never realised out of character my behaviour was. Now everyone gets to see the real me, including my kids – and to me that is the most important thing of all.”
Has the joke run dry on drinking?
New research from Alcohol Change UK has revealed half of men in the UK (48%) think they’re funnier when drinking alcohol, suggesting blokes use booze to feel and bring the humour. But is there any truth to this? Former NHS doctor and expert in addiction psychiatry, Dr Jeevan Fernando, says: “You might feel funnier because everything is funnier when you’re a little bit drunk. You are also likely to perceive yourself as funnier because everyone is laughing – because they are also drunk. But it can be a false sense of whether you’re actually funny or not.
“For us to be funny, enjoyable and charismatic to be around, you have to let go of being rigid and socially correct. The ‘funny’ is at the border between acceptable and not acceptable. When you are drunk your prefrontal cortex, the part of you that helps make decisions and is self conscious about how things come across, is muffled. So you may say the funny thing that comes to mind, without filtering yourself.
“As a society we’ve used alcohol as a bit of a crutch to be confident. But you can unfilter yourself naturally, while remaining in control. You can be funny when sober, all it takes is confidence… and maybe a little practice.” To kick off this year’s Dry January challenge, which helps people around the UK and the world reset their relationship with alcohol over 31 days, we meet two men whose lives were torn apart by booze – and rebuilt by going sober.
Benefits of binning the booze
Dr Jeevan says…
SHORT TERM HEALTH: cutting out booze instantly improves sleep, meaning more energy, reduced brain fog, better emotional wellbeing, less stress and anxiety. Those well rested are better able to deal with life’s ups and downs, and less emotionally sensitive. You’ll feel this within a day, if not a week of going alcohol-free.
LONG TERM HEALTH: reducing your alcohol intake leads to decreased blood pressure, reduced cholesterol, and a lower risk of diabetes and cancers including throat, stomach, breast, prostate, liver and more. Alcohol, and especially chronic abuse of it, increases the rate of cognitive decline. This happens as we age, your brain naturally shrinks over time, but alcohol exaggerates this process. So your risk of dementia if you stop or reduce your intake is much less.
FINANCES: Research shows the average drinker spends £118 a month on booze. So if you’re a big drinker, this figure could be much higher. If you extrapolate that, that’s a lot of saving towards a nice holiday you’ll actually remember.
SEX DRIVE: Specifically for men, alcohol is related to lower testosterone, and this can lead to a lower sex drive and erectile dysfunction. Reduced levels of this hormone also contributes to lack of motivation and cognitive function.
How to go low and no this January
Dr Jeevan shares his top tips…
Try the Dry January app: Research shows people are twice as likely to complete Dry January with the app, and 70 per cent of participants drink less since months afterwards. Set goals, and track progress, calories and money saved. There’s a community there too, to boost morale and motivation.
Seek support: Lean on the people around you – friends and family. Tell them you’re doing Dry January, even better have them join you. Ask for the support you need.
Replace alcohol with something positive: Alcohol is a form of reward and something that helps to relax. If you remove it, you need to add something into your life that gives you the same feeling. Try an alcohol free drink, something creative, or going for a walk.
Hold something: Sometimes one of the reasons we drink is simply because we feel a bit strange without something in our hands. If that’s you, try a lemonade instead. Or play with a fidget spinner or hair bobble to keep your hands busy.
Keep socialising: Carry on seeing friends as normal when you’re not drinking. This will quickly normalise it. You’ll also realise you can be funny without booze, and get used to who you actually are.
*This year, Alcohol Change UK is bringing Funny AF to the UK: a one-night-only live dry comedy event at the Lucky Saint this January 20th. Featuring a celebrity host, Tom Rosenthal, and a range of comedians, the night will showcase that ditching the booze doesn’t mean losing the banter. Enter to win tickets via the Try Dry® app now.
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