Crina Ghib, 31, has spent thousands attending weddings at the cost of her mental health, career opportunities and even time to grieve and reveals she has had to turn to drastic measures
In what Crina Ghib calls “unbearable pressure and stress” she has found herself crying by a wedding dancefloor while grieving just days after a funeral and missing out on well-paid career opportunities, all to “keep up appearances.”
“No one really talks about how expensive it is to be a wedding guest these days. I’ve spent thousands over the years just attending — often at the cost of my savings and personal priorities. “Over the past five years alone I’ve spent over £5,000 just on attending weddings – the pressure was exhausting and, at times, overwhelming.”
One of the most expensive that she attended was a luxurious wedding in Dubai in 2019, which she attended with an ex-boyfriend. Crina, who lives in London, said that flights alone were £600 and the pressure to give a generous gift pushed that total over £1,500.
‘I was popping 120 codeine pills a day after gastric sleeve’ Huge rise in Brits catching deadly organ-destroying virus on holiday
“Add the outfit and everything else, and I ended up dipping into my overdraft just to save face. There was so much pressure to appear put together — to look happy, polished, and be the ‘perfect couple’.”
Guests now spend £450 per wedding on average, according to Creditspring (www.creditspring.co.uk), with this rising to £700+ for 25-34 year olds, and 69% of women feel destination weddings create unfair financial pressure.
Crina, who is a freelance model and photographer and originally from Romania, revealed that the most emotionally, and bank account, draining experience was a wedding in Morocco. Her grandad had passed away and she had to fly from the UK to her home country for the family funeral before flying directly to Morocco days later. Crina admits that this is something she desperately wanted to avoid doing – but instead she rebooked new flights, and missed the first day of the wedding.
“My grandfather had passed away just days before, and I wasn’t in the right headspace to go at all. The flights had been booked months in advance, but I still felt like I had to be there — so I delayed my trip by a couple of days to attend the funeral, and ended up paying extra just to make the revised dates work. I went anyway, carrying the weight of grief and pressure, and it made the whole experience incredibly difficult.”
Despite the sadness, Crina says she “does these things with the best of intentions” but that she holds a lot of resentment for being made to show up and “be happy.”
“I wanted to spend more time with my family grieving. I was crying by the side of the dance floor and didn’t want to smile. There was a lot of pressure to show up.”
Working freelance means that Crina must jump on work opportunities whenever she can but even the chance to work at a film festival in Dublin couldn’t banish the feelings of pressure as she turned the work down to head to yet another wedding.
“I had to say no to a freelance job — something I was genuinely excited about — because I’d already committed to the wedding. It feels like I’m constantly putting my financial and personal growth on hold for other people’s big days.”
Crina has tried to find a solution to the constant stream of invitations and pressure but far from being able to simply say no, she has even found herself ghosting invites last minute in order to avoid a negative RSVP.
“I just can’t afford to go to them all. I’ve ghosted invites and it has caused some serious fallouts – some friends aren’t in touch anymore because I haven’t turned up.
“They’ve included weddings of close friends and schoolmates — simply because I couldn’t afford to go. It’s not a reflection of how I feel about them, but it’s the reality of the financial pressure. Honestly, it’s a constant burden — and no one really talks about it.”
Getting wedding-ready is stressful for Crina. “I would be attending these rich weddings in Dubai and need a dress that matched. I was rummaging in TK Maxx and found an expensive one, and even bought make-up from Mac, which is not somewhere I would normally shop.
“Social media makes it so difficult to reuse outfits too – lots of eyes are on you. I have lots of amazing dresses that I’d love to wear again but I worry people will recognise that I’ve already had it on.”
Financial expectations around gifts are generally intense, too. Tradition in Crina’s family means that a wedding back home in Romania results in ditching any wedding registry shopping. “If a close family member is getting married, it’s absolutely necessary for us to give them money as a gift. On one occasion, I gifted £500 – and that’s before I even got started on outfits, flights and hotels.
“At other weddings, I’ve felt stressed many times when all the cheaper registry items were already taken. Once, I ended up buying someone a wardrobe just because I was late to the list!”
With 23% of women reusing outfits or re-gifting presents to manage spending, it’s unsurprising that Crina has given some consideration to her gifting options in the future. “I would definitely re-gift” she laughs. “I have engagement mugs from years ago sitting in a cupboard. I was going to give them to charity but I’m holding onto them for the right engagement party to come.”
“It’s incredibly stressful when you’re watching your bank balance drop for something that isn’t really for you – especially when you’d rather be putting that money towards your own needs or goals. On a few occasions, the costs pushed me into my overdraft, and the constant anxiety about whether I could cover everything left me feeling drained and resentful. Even though I’ve always been a positive-minded person with a strong support network, it was still tough to shake the guilt and frustration. That said, I usually throw myself into the celebrations and enjoy connecting with friends and family – it’s only afterwards that the stress about the costs really hits me.”
Having spent the last 25 years from the age of 6 years old going to 25 wedding, Crina, who is currently single, has some ideas on how to contribute to an easier process for her loved ones when her time comes.
“I’m going to have a simple wedding, one in the UK and one in Romania so people don’t have to worry about flights, and I’ll offer an open invite with no pressure – once and for all.”
