‘My first Christmas as a mum was the worst Christmas of my life’
One mum has hit out at the ‘false narrative’ surrounding motherhood during the festive season, sharing her own raw and honest story. Laura Guckian, who has faced two miscarriages, is raising three neurodivergent children, and has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD herself, is on a mission to debunk myths and speak openly about the challenges mums encounter, especially around Christmas time.
The host of the Momfessions podcast is no stranger to adversity; she’s battled mental health issues, which were particularly acute during her early Christmases as a parent. In a candid interview with Reach, the maternal wellbeing expert shared her memories from eight years ago: “I vividly remember my first Christmas as a mum. I was deeply struggling with my mental health and it was the worst Christmas of my life.”
Her journey through motherhood has been fraught with difficulties, including a two-month stint in a psychiatric ward following the birth of her first son. This was all accompanied by an undertone of feeling she was doing something wrong due to the popular portrayal of motherhood, which she now speaks out against in hopes of showing other struggling mums they are not alone.
She specifically criticised Christmas films, saying: “It adds to that false narrative, it’s suggesting if you are an overstretched, overwhelmed, exhausted mother you’re doing it right. ” Laura slammed the unrealistic expectations the festive season brings particularly for mums.
She continued: “As a mum I get very frustrated with the whole industry this time of year because there’s such pressure on mothers to enjoy every moment, to deliver the perfect Christmas. It’s utter nonsense. I would love to see more parents challenging it.” Laura is calling for a rebellion against the unnecessary pressures of Christmas to ensure mums can cherish the festivities as well.
Having done away with Christmas traditions and ‘must-have’s that she found simply don’t serve her family, Laura shared: “My advice to any mother or parent is really ditch all of the ‘shoulds’ of Christmas, make your own Christmas rulebook and do the things you need and want. This holiday time is a lovely opportunity to spend time together and if you relook at it from that lens you’re more likely to create the Christmas you want as opposed to surrendering to the chaos of what we’re told it should look like.”
Laura’s sentiments are echoed widely, with a Mind Mommy Coaching survey revealing a staggering 72 per cent of mothers feel their mental health hits rock bottom during the Christmas season. Over half dread the festivities, 46 per cent want fewer family obligations and more help, while a meagre 31 out of 1,006 mums feel highly appreciated by their families during the holidays.
Laura recounted her journey to reclaiming the “magic” of Christmas by crafting her own set of traditions combined with the surprisingly positive impact her autism and ADHD diagnoses. These revelations came only after her two sons were diagnosed.
Laura shared how her neurodivergence cast motherhood in a different light, helping her understand old struggles and make peace with them, revealing: “Finding out I was neurodivergent was the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. Particularly when I became a mum, I struggled so much with my mental health and I found it so hard I thought; ‘I was doing something wrong, it must be me, I’m not good enough’.”
Grasping this allowed her to have self-compassion: “You recognise you aren’t doing anything wrong, your brain is just built differently.” She encouraged other who may have a gut feeling about themselves or their children to get assessed. Noting that she understands the fears and misconceptions are neurological diagnoses: “We are neurodivergent whether we know it or not. I now have permission to do whatever I need and want in my life if it’s right for me, to do it without guilt, without questioning it, without comparison. It’s the greatest gift I ever got.”
Her festive celebrations now have an unconventional appearance, as she opts out of a Christmas dinner to maintain the kids’ daily routines and their ‘safe’ foods.
The children are clued in on all of Santa’s specific moves and the gifts they’re set to get – a measure to prevent any unwelcome shocks.
While it’s far from traditional, Laura knows, after years of trying to figure it out, that this is now what a “happy Christmas” looks like for her family.
