Widow Louise Shackleton watched in dismay as the Scottish Parliament voted against their assisted dying bill this week, after travelling to Dignitas with her husband Antony in December 2024
There were two people laughing in front of me as the debate came to an end in Scotland’s Parliament. I could not believe the lack of compassion I was seeing from people who oppose the bill.
It was similar to what I’d witnessed back in London, watching the House of Lords rail against the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) bill. In Scottish Law what I’d done, by accompanying my husband to Dignitas 16 months ago, would probably have seen me charged with ‘culpable homicide’.
I’d been going to Scotland to help campaign for change because assisted dying should be universal in England, Scotland and Wales. I feel everyone in the UK deserves a right to have an assisted death.
READ MORE: Dame Esther Rantzen opens up on family fears and admits she’ll ‘die alone’READ MORE: Assisted dying in Scotland law rejected by MSPs following emotional debate at Holyrood
I knew it had failed when Liam McArthur started to talk, he was extremely emotional as were other MSPs. He started to tell the whole stories of true death and some of them were gut churning.
There was a man who had penile cancer and the death he had was grotesque. Another politician talked about her own family member’s assisted death and I had to leave the chambers at that point because it was so personal to what I’d been through with my husband, it was triggering.
It was so similar, the difficulty in actually getting an assisted death overseas. People think it’s a walk in the park, not understanding the paperwork, the trials and tribulations people have to go through just to get one. I had to walk away from my husband’s dead body and leave him alone. It was traumatising.
I had to pack his medication away and his clothes when I got back to the hotel. I broke down even more when I had to put his pyjamas away for the last time. Then I was 26 hours in a foreign country all alone, recently widowed, with no family around me to hold me like I held him.
I phoned my sons from the back of an Uber taxi to tell them: “I’m sorry we had to lie to you but your dad passed away.’ I needed to hear a familiar voice. They couldn’t really speak, they were so shocked, they thought we’d just gone away for a break.
I then sat on a plane next to his empty seat with his backpack on it. I was sobbing trying not to scream on the plane because I was so scared of what was to come. I was scared for my children and for Antony’s grandchildren.
My eyes were so swollen from crying that I couldn’t see properly. I just saw black uniforms and I thought it was the police but it was actually border control.
They could see my distress, they sat me down, they comforted me and got me a cup of tea and I waited 20 minutes for the police to arrive but they didn’t. The border control seemed to be all in agreement about what he’d done.
Our eldest son came and met at the airport. As I walked into the arrival hall I saw our eldest son and I broke again. I was hysterical as he held me.
About a week later the police got in touch with me and I went in for an interview. Then followed ten months of limbo, not knowing if I was going to jail for simply pushing him onto a plane to take him to a place where he wanted to be.
All these painful memories came flooding back as I watched those who opposed the bill laughing in front of me.
It reminded me of the cruelty I’ve seen during this debate from those appealing the bill, the misinformation, the lack of empathy for dying people.
All we’ve been trying to do is stop others going through the same trauma we have lived. People dying is no laughing matter.
