WARNING: DISTRESSING CONTENT. Criminologist and psychologist Alex Iszatt says people seeking such violent deaths often want to “seize control”
A man in the United States has been accused of torturing and murdering a “vulnerable” British woman who allegedly travelled overseas seeking a “violent” death. Sonia Exelby, 32, of Portsmouth, was reported missing after she failed to board her return flight on October 13.
Police arrested Dwain Hall, 53, on suspicion of murder and kidnapping charges, which he denies, after her body was found in a shallow grave in Florida on October 17.
Court records say that their meeting was arranged after the pair started chatting two years earlier in an online fetish chatroom. Disturbingly, police allege Sonia was suicidal and travelled to the United States “to be possibly sexually abused, tortured and murdered.” Hall, who has admitted to having violent tendencies, claimed Sonia had been suicidal and wanted to be killed.
Criminologist and psychologist Alex Iszatt says people seeking such violent deaths can “be an attempt to master internal pain.” She told the Mirror: “The sexualised script is a way to actively stage and seize control over deep-seated feelings of powerlessness and self-loathing that may have haunted her for years. She added: “The online world offered her something else entirely: a validating community that normalised her interests, a shared identity rather than a solitary crisis.”
READ MORE: Timeline of Brit who ‘flew to US to be murdered by man from fetish site’
According to the document, Hall recorded a video where Sonia is seen sitting on a chair with bruising across her face, neck and breasts. The Daily Mail alleges the US man quizzed her on why she travelled to meet him, with Sonia replying: “Because I am an awful person,’ adding, “I’ve crushed everyone who ever loves me.”
Sonia allegedly claimed she wanted to be “stabbed” to death, and told Hall: “I needed to be beaten and suffer because I am such a piece of s***.” Picking up on Sonia’s demeanour in the video, detectives noted that she appeared hesitant and visibly upset. Heartbreakingly, it appears that Sonia changed her mind about the warped plot but couldn’t find a way out. Investigators found messages sent by Sonia to a friend through the online messaging platform Discord on October 11.
“I’m sorry he keeps taking my phone, he doesn’t trust me with it. He made it clear there was no way out unless I shoot him. I was questioning it last night,” one reportedly read. Adding that the previous night had been ‘so bad’, she is said to have written: “I can’t kill anyone… He’s in the shower but I’m locked in and there is no singal [sic] in the middle of nowhere. I thought he’d do it quick and not give my mind time to stew and realise this is the last thing I’ll ever day [sic] to anyone if I don’t take his offer of shooting him. He showed me how to use it and where to aim.”
The last messages reportedly read: ‘I’m so scared I’m so broken and in so much pain all I can do is lay here and doing what gee [sic] wants. Makes him respect me enough not to do the things I really hate. Everything but some are. I’m sorry I don’t even know what I’m saying and I’m trying to be quick and my times up.”
“People seeking this kind of pact can be pursuing a way to express [themselves]”, said Alex, adding: “The fetishistic framework is less about desire and more about using its intense, symbolic power to give meaning to an act of despair.”
According to the affidavit, she wrote in a suicide note that she would be “mutilated and disabled for the rest of my life” if she “managed to get to him”. Hall reportedly described himself as a mentor who would help and not kill the troubled woman.
An autopsy revealed Sonia died from four stab wounds. If found guilty, the American car mechanic will probably face the death penalty.
After she left the UK, one frantic friend begged for help, telling her Instagram followers that Sonia had entered “into an extremely vulnerable situation” and was struggling with her mental health.
They wrote: “Sonia is such a vulnerable person and really struggling with her mental health. We believe she got on a plane on Friday and made her way to Tallahassee, Florida, from the UK. We believe she has arranged to meet someone there and has got herself into an extremely vulnerable situation. That’s all I can really say on that.”
Police allege Hall picked Sonia up at Gainesville Regional Airport when she landed from the UK and took her to an Airbnb in Reddick, Marion County, which she had paid for using her credit card before landing in the US.
Before she arrived, officials say a receipt shows Hall bought gun cleaner, rope and a shovel at a nearby supermarket.
An affidavit – a document in the US that serves as evidence in legal proceedings – claimed Hall initially denied knowing Sonia before he reportedly admitted to picking her up and driving her to an Airbnb
Hall – who police say changed his story several times – allegedly claimed she had promised to pay him $4,000 (£3,000) to help pay off his IRS debt, but that he got angry when she arrived in the US without the cash. He took £900 out of her UK bank account.
He made her record three disclaimer messages and write a letter to her family because he thought it was ‘funny,'” per the affidavit. Investigators have stated that the messages “showed that Hall was controlling her, that she was afraid, and had made a mistake.”
Just months earlier, Sonia had written on Facebook: “Everyone always seems to be trying to lose weight but I’ve never been healthier, and it’s thanks to my curves.
“I focus on eating well for my health now, thank you curves! Who cares about weight, so long as you’re eating to become healthier (if necessary, though I think most can work at this), you’re doing great. Small changes snowballed and now I get to eat plenty of cake without feeling guilty. It’s a big f you to deprivation and instead, giving myself better foods so my body can thrive.”
Hall is alleged to have admitted during a police interview that he and Sonia “discussed bondage, suicide, and her desire to have someone kill her.”
He was apprehended on October 17 after he allegedly attempted to use Sonia’s credit cards to withdraw $1,200 (£918). When questioned about Sonia, he reportedly told officers he had been the last person to see her alive and said he would help her.
The affidavit states that Hall said that if he was forced to help Sonia die, he would take her to Alligator Alley, where the wildlife “would have taken care of her.” When asked whether he killed Sonia, Hall refused to answer, but said “she’s happy now because she got what she wanted.”
READ MORE: Brit woman ‘travelled to US with intent of being killed by man she met on fetish website’
Investigators say that, after Sonia died, Hall sent a package to a friend in Ohio, where authorities found a seven-inch Tanto blade with Sonia’s blood on it. A shovel found in Hall’s garage also had traces of Sonia’s DNA.
During his first court appearance, Fox 35 Orlando reports, Judge Laurie Cotton told Hall: “Under these circumstances, that there is no bond that would assure your presence in court, keep the community safe. And the facts of this case – there is a large amount of evidence against you.”
Hall’s lawyer Julia Williamson said: “We have entered a not guilty plea and now we wait for the process to continue, with a grand jury to decide whether to proceed to formal charging.
“It is possible the court could seek the death penalty if he is found guilty but that is not automatic. It is quite a lengthy process and we are trying to locate witnesses to help in our case.
“Other than that, there is not much else I am at liberty to say other than his next court appearance will be in December.’
Mark Glass, from Florida’s Department of Law Enforcement, commented: “This type of violent crime and disregard for human life will not be tolerated in our state – those who commit such heinous crimes will be held fully accountable.”
The Foreign Office said it was helping the family and liaising with authorities in Florida.
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
