EXCLUSIVE: The heartbroken mother of Jay Slater has opened up about spraying her son’s aftershave and sleeping in his bed as she prepares for the agonising anniversary of his death – which falls on the exact day England kick off their World Cup campaign
When England play their opening match of the World Cup on June 17, it will be a bitter sweet moment for mum Debbie Duncan.
The second anniversary of her son Jay Slater’s death during a trip to Tenerife, when they last spoke, on June 16, 2024, he said he was going to watch England play Serbia in Euro 24 – a game they won 1-0.
Debbie, 57, says: “I don’t know how I’m going to feel really. It will be strange. He told me, ‘I’m not going mad today, Mum’. England were playing. He said, ‘I am going to go and watch football, we are going for food.’ Obviously, things just got carried away in the moment he had a drink.
“I sit and question ‘what were you thinking?’ But you can’t change anything. Jay is not coming back.”
On the first anniversary of 19-year-old Jay’s death, Debbie and her family returned to Tenerife. This year will be low key, taking flowers to the cemetery and spending time with loved ones.
She says: “This year it feels more real.” Some of his friends will come to the cemetery. There’s a pub over the road that does food and we’ll get some tea.”
Jay was on his first holiday without his parents, attending a music festival, when he went missing on June 17. But it took 29 days for his body to be found on 15 July. He’d suffered a catastrophic fall on his way back to his accommodation after a night out, and was found in the Juan Lopez ravine in the Masca area.
Speaking from the family home in Oswaldwistle, Lancashire, Debbie, who has another son, Zak, 26, says:“I can’t believe it’s two years. It seems to get harder. “
Nuzzled at Debbie’s feet is Buster, Jay’s French bulldog. She says: “I’d be lost without him. Jay went mad for this puppy and we gave it to him. He’s a nuisance, but he is also sometimes the reason I get out of bed in the morning.”
In Jay’s bedroom, Buster curls up on the bed. Debbie says: “I drive past the cemetery and down where he used to play football. His primary school is just across there, across that field.
“All across town there are still the blue ribbons we tied up in his memory. They’re a little faded, and one day they’ll be gone. But they bring me comfort.”
Looking around Jay’s room, tears catch in Debbie’s throat. She says, softly: “I sit in his room and smell his things, spray his aftershave and lie on his bed.
“I slept in here with Buster at the weekend. You want his smell to last forever, but it’s not going to, is it?”
Debbie redecorated Jay’s room in the three bed semi after his death – something she did specifically for him – and has kept all his things. She says: “I promised I’d redecorate his room, and planned to make a start while he was in Tenerife.
“I’ve got Jay’s phone too. I try to make sure it’s always charged. I sit with it and his memories will come up on his social media. I laugh at his daft little videos, then cry at what a good looking boy he was. I think, ‘What a waste’.
“Jay would have turned 21 a few weeks back and that was really hard.
“I try to keep busy. I’ve got Zak to think of. Spending time with him keeps my mind off Jay being gone.”
Full of what ifs, Debbie continues: “I’ve been through every emotion. I get angry with myself. Why did I not ring him that morning?”
But the best therapy for Debbie’s pain is spending time with Jay’s friends. One is Lucy Law, the last person to speak to Jay before he disappeared. She was in Tenerife with him and their pal Brad Hargreaves.
Lucy received a final phone call from Jay saying he was lost, dehydrated, had a cut on his leg, and his phone battery was dying. Debbie felt angry with Lucy, at first, but soon realised she’d been a loyal friend to Jay.
Plagued by horrendous trolling since Jay went missing, as conspiracy theorists spread online bile, Debbie explains: “We [she and Lucy] kind of stayed away from each other. But after a bit of time, we got back in touch and she told me things that I didn’t know.
“The conspiracy theorists ask why she reported Jay missing as soon as she did. They thought it was suspicious. But she did the right thing. She said, ‘my friend’s gone missing, I want you to go and look for him. I’ve just had this phone call, it’s cut off, he’s hurt himself, he has no signal, he is lost, he doesn’t know where he is.’”
Lucy told emergency services that Jay needed rescuing.
Debbie continues: “I listened to the calls to the emergency services. Listening to how distressed she was, it was horrible. She was a kid at the end of the day. I wouldn’t have known what to do at 18. We’re seeing each other in a few days. I think Jay would approve that we’re friends.”
Taking a break from work, Debbie lost her job as a high school finance officer, after vile harassment from tragedy trolls – who made more than 300 million videos relating to her son – triggered a nervous breakdown.
Now she is throwing herself into campaigning for Jay’s Law, in a bid to stamp out tragedy trolling. She wants social media platforms to be legally required to immediately remove organised misinformation and speculative malicious content, aimed at grieving families.
She says: “Whatever I did or said was ripped to pieces. Trolls said Jay must have had a really bad upbringing.”
When The Mirror got one of Debbie’s trolls removed from YouTube earlier this year, they just started a new account on a different platform the next day.
But Debbie remains optimistic about social media reform, saying: “We’ve met with the Government, we’ve met with Ofcom. They’re making the right noises. But things need to change – and fast.” Debbie says with each reported tragedy, the same trolls swoop in, bombarding families with bile on social media. She adds: “It’s incredibly hurtful to be on the receiving end of that.”
One conspiracy theory does keep Debbie awake at night. It involves a video posted of Jay boasting about stealing a £12,000 watch off someone in the hours before his death.
The inquest found that while he took ecstasy and cocaine before he went missing, Jay did not steal a Rolex watch. Debbie says: “Why did he say those things in the video? I don’t have an answer. One day, when my life is over and I see Jay again, I’ll ask him. Until then, knowing won’t bring him back. I’ve let it go.”
Jay was a 14-hour walk away from his accommodation, when he set off on foot. The coroner concluded his death was accidental after he fell down a ravine.
Debbie says: “I don’t think he realised just how far away he was. He must’ve been petrified in his final moments. I can’t bring myself to think about it.”
But going back to Tenerife on the first anniversary of Jay’s death was cathartic. She says: “The family went back out and put some flowers near where he was found.”
Recalling how excited Jay was about going to Tenerife, she adds: “I’ll go back again and again to Masca. It’s a beautiful place.”
A Government spokesperson told The Mirror that, under the Online Safety Act, anyone making violent threats online could face up to five years in prison.
They added: “The vile harassment some people face online is completely unacceptable, and we pay tribute to Debbie Duncan and other parents campaigning to bring this to an end”
*The Mirror contacted YouTube for a comment
