Grinning from ear-to-ear as they play with their longed-for son, dads Malachi Clarke and Charlie Bennett enjoyed every second of their unique road to parenthood.
Malachi is the first female to male trans man in the UK ever to have conceived a baby naturally and gone public about his experience of growing Baby A, who is almost two.
“Our son calls me Daddy while Charlie is Dadda,” says Malachi. Explaining why he is speaking out, he says: “We want people to see there is a positive side to being trans. The media paints us as predators but we’re just a couple getting on with life.
“We lead healthy, happy lives, and we want to be open that trans people can have families. You do have to stop your hormones but you don’t need to freeze your eggs. If you’re trans and you want to have kids naturally, go ahead because you can, like we did.”
Just 17 when he came out as trans, Malachi, who was born female, went on the male hormone testosterone at 19 and had top surgery to remove his breasts at 20.
An administrative palliative care worker, he met the love of his life, childcare professional Charlie three years ago. Coincidentally, he’d stopped taking testosterone 18 months earlier because of severe acne – which can be a side effect of the hormone – making it easier for him to get pregnant naturally.
We meet in the couple’s spotless rented house in Tilehurst, the quiet Berkshire suburb where Charlie grew up. Charlie’s parents – dubbed “the in-laws” by Malachi – live in a house backing onto their lovingly tended garden. Both their families couldn’t be closer – or more supportive.
“We just fell in love, didn’t we?” says Malachi to Charlie, sitting in his gamer chair, while their fair-haired son, who is almost two, skips about, playing with his toys.
The couple, who previously had male partners, both felt ready to settle down when they met on Facebook Dating. Charlie says: “We were honest with each other because I had got to the point in life where I wanted to have kids. And Mal did as well.”
Instantly clicking over a coffee, Malachi says: “We fancied the pants off each other! Charlie basically came over to my house the next day and never moved out! A month later I found out I was pregnant. Six months later we were engaged and we’ve been together for nearly three years now.”
And they enjoy intimacy. “Sex is sex. It’s not gay sex it’s not straight sex – it’s just sex. It’s hearts not parts to us – we make do with what we have,” he says.
As we talk, apart from a sweet attempt to do a bit of “wall art” with his crayon as we talk, their toddler’s behaviour is angelic. “Our boy has autism, which mainly means his speech has been slower to develop, but he’s met all the other milestones now,” explains Charlie. “And he will now be moving into the same nursery class as kids his own age.”
A former adult social care manager, Charlie now works as a room leader at their son’s nursery, while Malachi’s at his admin job at a hospice. “I drop them both off at nursery every morning and pick them up!” says Malachi.
In the trans community, the couple – who are keen for people to see that they live like any average family – say their love story is rare.
Malachi says most trans people are in same-sex relationships – in terms of the sex they were born – and conceive either using a sperm donor or IVF.
“I have found in the trans community that, pre-transition, trans men generally date women,” he says. “Then they transition and they still stay with women. There are not many trans gay couples because the gay community is not always very accepting. They see you as a fetish, or they’re like, ‘Oh I’m not really gay because I sleep with you because of your body parts.’”
This made meeting Charlie very refreshing. “I’ve always said, ‘if you don’t like trans people that’s totally fine. Preference is preference.’ But Charlie was like, ‘Well, let’s just go on a date, I don’t care.’ He saw beyond it.”
Charlie explains: “Plenty of people out there don’t care if someone is trans. I didn’t care that Mal still has whatever body parts.”
Malachi adds: “I’m just a man who has a vagina. If people want to see me another way, that’s their problem – not mine.”
On June 22, 1997, Malachi was born female, before being adopted at 18 months by a couple, along with his younger sister. He grew up with an older adopted brother and many foster children, who his parents welcomed into their house in York.
Malachi has a warm relationship with his parents, and was never interested in contacting his birth parents, who he believes were drug addicts. Growing up, though, he felt different to other girls. “Since I was young, I felt something wasn’t right,” he recalls. “I couldn’t put it into words, but I knew I wasn’t who everyone thought I was.
“I hated dresses, long hair, and make-up. I was drawn to football, rugby, and hanging out with the boys.” Looking for answers online, he says: “I stumbled across a YouTube video of a trans man, and suddenly, I had the words I needed.”
Worried about explaining himself to his family, Malachi kept it a secret until, aged 17, he was outed by his sister.
“Mum was shocked at the time,” he says. After that, he presented as male, later changing his name by deed poll to Malachi Shadrach Clarke. “I chose both biblical names ‘Malachi’ and ‘Shadrach’ because my degree’s in theology, and I changed my surname to ‘Clarke’ because I love Rylan Clarke!” he giggles.
With a NHS waiting list of up to five years for hormones, he went private. “Within six weeks I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria and I started on testosterone, aged 20, in June 2018,” he says. “After a few months, I started growing facial hair. My body hair thickened, my shape changed, and my voice deepened.”
The following year, in 2019, he paid £6,000 for top surgery, funded by working a 100-hour week. “If I want something, I go get it,” he says. “I think the trans community cause their own problems. Yes, there’s a long wait time. Access to our healthcare is difficult, but it’s the same for all sorts of health problems, not just gender.”
In May 2021, he legally registered as male, getting his gender recognition certificate the same month. His only concern was that his gender change would make meeting someone tricky. “I thought I wouldn’t have kids naturally because the opportunity wouldn’t arise. Then I fell in love with Charlie,” he says.
NHS guidelines recommend coming off testosterone at least three months before getting pregnant. Charlie, who had stopped 18 months before, says: “My features became a bit softer, and my facial hair got lighter, but I didn’t feel feminine – I just felt like myself.
“My periods restarted, and also my severe acne, which had been caused by testosterone, cleared up and my body’s reproductive system had kicked back in.”
After one negative pregnancy test, the couple tried again the second month, and Malachi tested positive – news they shared excitedly with friends and family.
He recalls, “Being pregnant made me feel more Malachi than any other part of my transition. I loved it and would happily be pregnant again. I don’t believe in gender roles. I’m not deluded to how the world has written biology – but it’s a societal construct. I felt like a man who has a reproductive system.”
While friends and family were overjoyed, the couple found their local NHS less understanding and when Malachi had a bleed during pregnancy, unhappy with their treatment, they opted for a private scan – which confirmed all was well.
After this experience, they opted for an elected caesarean in Malachi’s hometown of York.
Even though he is legally male, Malachi is registered as the mother on the birth certificate, while Charlie is registered as father. This anomaly means that he is both legally male and legally female simultaneously.
Unlike trans man Freddy McConnell, who conceived via sperm donor and fought in court for the right to be registered as a father on his child’s birth certificate, Malachi isn’t concerned.
“I don’t care that I’m down as mother on the birth certificate. I know who I am – I’m his dad,” he shrugs. “Yes, it would be lovely if the system was more progressive, but that change will come, there’s no need to shout about it.”
Both men accept that they will have to explain to Baby A that he has two dads and one of them was born female.
“We’re going to tell him he has two dads and how daddy made him,” says Malachi matter of factly. “He already has lots of baby-making children’s books in his room about all the family variations – from adoption to IVF and also Freddy McConnell’s book Little Seahorse And The Big Question ,which explains how the male seahorse gives birth.
“So we’re just going to tell him everything. Yes, there is a potential for him to be bullied when he’s older, but we’re not that worried, and we’re hoping that the school he goes to will be inclusive and supportive.”
In their local community, the couple are welcomed by mums in the park who all want to meet their toddler because he’s so cute. “We do get questions like, ‘How did you have him?’ ‘Is he adopted?’” says Charlie. “But I grew up here, so we never have any problems.”
However Malachi admits, “When we leave Tilehurst and go into town [Reading], we do get stares, because it’s two men and a baby.”
Soon the family of three hope to become four. “I’m proud I gave birth as a man and want more children. We’d like a sibling for our son, so he always has a friend,” says Malachi, who went back on testosterone six weeks after his birth.
Fully prepared for another natural conception – even if it means stopping his hormone treatment again – he has no intention of having genital realignment any time in the future.
“I don’t see gender or becoming male or female as defined by surgeries. No, I don’t want multiple surgeries, they’re invasive and it doesn’t fully function intimately. Charlie and I are happy because it works for us.”
