Roxanne Emery was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in her 30s and since then has seen her life totally transform. Now she’s written a children’s book to help others
Having grown up in the 80s and 90s, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) wasn’t something that was really on Roxanne Emery’s radar. After coming across the term once while at the dinner table with her teacher parents, it would be more than 30 years before she’d stumble on it again – and hearing it would change her life.
In 2021, the rising pop star and app developer was diagnosed with ADHD, though Roxanne’s journey began three years prior when she got sober. “My life was a real wreck. I had problems with drink and drugs, with relationships, the whole lot. Getting sober meant I had to face all of my stuff and that was very difficult for me to do,” she tells the Mirror.
‘There was always something different about me – diagnosis at 38 explained everything’
“I ended up in therapy in 2020 and after a year, I’d made a lot of progress, but there were still some strange behaviors that I was noticing, like getting on the train the wrong way, missing my stop, losing my wallet three times a week. I’d never had the clarity or space to see that because that my whole life was burning down. I suddenly was like, ‘wow, that is a bit odd’ and I brought that into therapy.”
It was during this therapy session that Roxanne came across ADHD for the second time. After heading home, Roxanne, now 40, ended up in a “rabbit hole” as she hyperfocused on watching related videos online. She was later professionally diagnosed and her view of herself completely changed.
Just months after her diagnosis, Roxanne co-founded the Instagram account ADHD Love with partner Rich on a whim. Since then, it has amassed more than 2.5 million followers across various platforms, and features videos on everything from masking, cleaning and time blindness.
“I’ve never felt shame. I think I’m quite lucky in a way that I did sobriety first because when I was an alcoholic, I’d done some pretty messed up stuff. I’ve cheated in relationships, I’ve been in £40,000 worth of debt and I lived in an absolute pigsty and I hid all of those things,” she says.
“A huge part of getting sober is being honest and facing up to your life, what you’ve done and making amends. I’d been so open about those things, so actually my ADHD diagnosis felt like nothing. I do laugh, our first video was about me forgetting to put a tampon in. But I’m a person who doesn’t have that shame gene anymore.”
Since receiving her diagnosis four years ago, Roxanne has been able to accept herself in a way she’d never done so before. While acceptance came as a gradual moment – and her diagnosis initially saw her cry in the car – it’s had a transformative effect.
“My life has totally transformed. I’ve gone from in debt to buying a house, ten failed relationships to being married and really happy. Everything has changed, but I haven’t changed. My ADHD hasn’t changed. It’s not like I fixed my ADHD. I learned to accept it. I learned to allow it to be supported by the people that love me,” she explains.
“It’s so simple, but so many of us miss it. We’re always looking for that quick fix, that change, that productivity hack. Actually if you just went, ‘okay, listen, I lose my wallet a lot. Let’s accept it. I’m going to buy a cheaper wallet, so when it happens, it’s okay. I’m only going to take out one debit card so I don’t have to cancel my driver’s license and three credit cards.’
“The amazing thing is, when you start supporting it in that way and accepting it, those instances of losing things happen a little bit less. You can’t get rid of them, but you’re not constantly anxious about covering it up. You’re not constantly stressed and beating yourself up in your own head.”
Roxanne has also become a bestselling author and has published two books, Small Talk and Dirty Laundry. Her third book, and first children’s book, Ady and Me, will be released in April. “We’ve written two adult books and the overarching theme of the adult books was basically – the first one was about shame, and the second one was about low self-esteem and self-hatred,” she says.
“They’re quite heavy. Then I was like, bl**dy hell, there’s so much awesome stuff too. We need to stop the adults from hating themselves big time, but what if we could reach the kids before that same self-hatred developed?
“If kids and parents are getting a message that tells them what might help and what makes them happy, worthy and deserving of love, we might be able to stop a few of those kids turning into me – turning into addiction and in debt, and struggling in relationships later in life. It feels like important work to try and message a bit earlier to stop so many people struggling.”
Ady & Me is available for preorder now and will be published on April 24.
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