Brooklyn Beckham has made it clear he doesn’t have any intention of ‘reconciling’ with Victoria and David, but Prince Harry’s journey indicates he might not always feel that way
There are striking similarities between Brooklyn Beckham and Prince Harry’s family feuds. Both centre around their choice of partners and both claim they were ‘controlled’ and that the ‘brand’ was valued more than their happiness.
Prince Harry pushed the button on his own family ties back in 2021 when he and Meghan broke free from the Royal Family and moved to the US. Their notorious Oprah interview followed, along with his tell-all autobiography Spare, that spared no-one’s blushes.
Meanwhile, Brooklyn, 26, has struck out at his own family in an explosive six-page statement, defending his wife Nicola Peltz, 31, and making it clear that at the moment he wants nothing to do with his parents, Victoria, 51, and Sir David, 50.
Both men have grown up in families that are central to the social landscape of the UK, and have dealt with the bright spotlight that comes with that since the moment they were born. The crown and the Royal Family might sit as the very focal point of Great Britain’s history, but the Beckhams – despite being more A-list rather than aristocracy – have weaved themselves tightly into our cultural fabric.
Indeed, Brand Beckham extends way beyond David and Victoria’s footballer and Spice Girl past, and has seen the family successfully position themselves as being a crucial component and commodity of Britishness itself on the world stage. In an example of their power, a social media campaign went viral on Thursday calling for Brits to get Victoria her first solo number one. Just hours later, her forgotten hit, Not Such an Innocent Girl, had reached the top spot.
READ MORE: Brooklyn Beckham ‘escaped the Truman Show but rant will come back to haunt him’READ MORE: Victoria and David Beckham’s deep ‘guilt’ over Brooklyn’s most heartbreaking allegation
But as with life as a royal, that level of fame comes at a cost. Royal commentator, Afua Acheampong-Hagan, told the Mirror, “You’ve got two powerful families that want to protect their brands, two sons who have just decided to do what they want, who have married a woman that they love. Two sons who have decided to speak their truth and not keep the secrets and they’ve decided to lift that gilded curtain and they both don’t seem to mind if that goes nuclear and good for them.”
Growing up famous
Both Harry and Brooklyn know all too well what it is like to grow up in the public eye. For Harry, he also had the added formality that comes with being a member of the House of Windsor, along with the major trauma of suddenly losing his mother at a young age. While many would point out that they also live a life of unimaginable privilege, with private educations, endless holidays and sprawling estates. However, for those born into such wealth and fame, psychologists warn it can leave children feeling “exposed and anxious”.
“Growing up in the public eye can have an enormous impact on our sense of identity and self-esteem,” explains Georgina Sturmer, MBACP Accredited Counsellor, Lecturer and Clinical Supervisor. “Knowing that our appearance and movements are documented and shared for the world to see can leave us feeling exposed and anxious. Especially if we have had no control over the way in which our lives are shared, which is the often the case if we are born into this type of celebrity or fame.”
The psychological expert adds, “When we have grown up in a family that’s in the public eye, it is sometimes also the case that lines become blurred between these two worlds. Our family relationships, conflict, expressions of love – these can all become harder to cope with if they are played out in the public realm. And so it makes sense that all this might leave us feeling anxious.”
Anxiety
Both Brooklyn and Harry have admitted to suffering from anxiety for most of their lives. In his memoir Spare, Harry admitted using substances like marjuana and cocaine in his teen years in a bid to “feel different” and struggled with “debilitating lethargy and terrifying panic attacks” as an adult as he conducted his royal duties.
Brooklyn said in his statement “I grew up with overwhelming anxiety. For the first time in my life, since stepping away from my family, that anxiety has disappeared,” seeming to firmly lay the blame for his feelings on the Beckham family dynamic.
Georgina explains that when it comes to growing up as “public property” there can be long term consequences for the individuals, with mental health issues continuing into adulthood and shaping who children become.
“Our early experiences leave an imprint on us as we grow older,” the psychological expert explains. “They form part of our identity and how we feel about ourselves. So if in our childhood we have felt judged, insecure – or simply that our lives are public property – then this will undoubtedly have an impact on how we feel of adults.
“And there’s no textbook way that this will present itself. Some might become overly compliant and prone to people-pleasing. Some might be driven to perfectionism, to manage the image that is shared with the outside world. And others might be drawn to reject their family or rebel in some way.”
She adds that anxiety isn’t the full picture, with “anger, frustration, resentment, or simply a feeling of not being good enough” also presenting.
For Brooklyn it appears the latter may have fed into recent events. One Times journalist who previously interviewed Brooklyn described him as ‘insecure’, writing: “My takeaway was that Beckham… could have been very happy doing a job suited to his capabilities, but who had instead perpetually been shoehorned into a narrative of Beckham exceptionalism and made a laughing stock.”
Wedding woes
For both Harry and Brooklyn, a similar event seems to have coincided with the break down of their family relationships – their weddings. Harry said his relationship with William and sister-in-law Kate grew strained around the time of his 2018 wedding to Meghan. There was a famous row between Kate and Meghan about bridesmaid dresses, and William is said to have faced Harry’s wrath after urging him to slow things down.
For Brooklyn, it seems his 2022 nuptials served as the stage for the ultimate family feud. The run-up was marred by disagreements over dresses and locations, and the day ended with Nicola fleeing the reception in tears as Victoria danced with her son – a move she was reportedly dead set against. Revealing exactly what happened at the wedding after Brooklyn accused his mum of dancing “very inappropriately on” him, DJ Fat Tony, a performer at the wedding and a long-time friend of the Beckhams, said this week: “There was no slut dropping, there was no PVC catsuit, there was no Spice Girls actions. The word inappropriate – why I said it was inappropriate as well because it was the timing.”
He said that singer Marc Anthony called Brooklyn to the stage and then asked “the most beautiful woman in the room” to join him, before naming Victoria. “At that point, Brooklyn is devastated because he thought he was going to do his first dance with his night. Nicola leaves the room crying her eyes out. Marc says, ‘Put your hands on your mother’s hips!’ It was a latin thing and that whole situation was awkward for everyone in the room.”
While both Harry and Brooklyn’s family have remained silent, sources close to both have made their feelings for Meghan and Nicola crystal clear. Both William and Kate are said to have no desire to see Meghan, while the Beckhams reportedly blame Nicola for all that has gone on.
But Georgina says it is just not as simple as playing a “blame game”, explaining that fall-outs usually occur when the transition is mismanaged. “When we enter into a new relationship, or our relationship status changes – for example when we get married- it marks a shift in the family dynamic and hierarchy,” she says.
“This is why we do sometimes see these types of rupture when these changes happen. It’s as if the new relationship – or the marriage – poses some kind of threat to the existing status quo. And when we feel threatened, we can act that in all sorts of ways. Parents – or new partners- might become more demanding or more challenging towards the existing dynamics in our family.
“The new partner might also challenge us to think in new and different ways about how things have been in our family. They might encourage us to challenge the way that we are treated, and the practices that we have accepted as the norm. They might encourage us to put new or different boundaries in place in order to prioritise the relationship over our family.”
Equally, weddings are themselves, especially for the rich and famous, high-profile, high-stakes events – where tensions can easily boil over. “Weddings, in and of themselves, can be an enormously stressful time in any family. The decisions, the costs, the dynamics – these are all factors that can make our relationships feel harder. Decisions about who to invite, who will be in the spotlight, and who might be left out, become a powerful feature of family dynamics.
“This big symbolic moment of change can activate our attachment system, and remind us the ‘unmet needs’ that we might be experiencing in our own family. And when things are already strained – and we are worried about delivering the ‘perfect’ wedding this can add that final layer of pressure that causes things to crack. “
However, Judi James – a communications expert – warns that forsaking all other for the love of one person is never a wise idea. “Both took a giant leap into the virtual unknown with the women they love at their sides, investing in a new family sounds like a fine idea but it will mean both placing all their eggs in one basket.
“Both Brooklyn and Harry sound confident in the invincibility of their marriages and sure that the total investment and the rejection of their first families is no gamble, which hopefully it isn’t. But the kind of public scrutiny and speculation that tends to put the marriages under can lead to new pressures, sadly.”
‘Going nuclear’
Both Harry and Brooklyn shared their complaints in the most public of fashions. Acheampong-Hagan dubbed this “going nuclear” and pointed out that while it might have felt like the right move for the two men, it often does more harm than good in the long term.
“Once it’s out there, it’s out there,” she says, explaining that it can’t be taken back. Communications specialist Judi James, who has analysed statements from both men, explains: “The problem with public spats is that they rarely heal as long as they are public, with the inevitable pile-on. Writing as a form of catharsis can help but when your points become headlines there will always be a ripple effect and response that is out of your control, plus the sad aroma of burning bridges.
“Both men probably deserve emotional peace and contentment after escaping their own ‘Truman Show’ experiences and we can only hope Brooklyn has left his life of anxiety behind rather than inheriting a new one.”
The behavioural specialist adds that in her view both men were looking for a way to control the narrative, and establish themselves as individuals by ultimately “burning bridges” with their families, but it might not have the desired effect. “With both men though the communicated angst has and will inevitably lead to even more public interest, speculation and exposure. Harry seems to feel that he is now able to actively seek a life of high profile fame despite a desire for privacy because he now has the power to control it and to present to the world the person that he really is.
“Brooklyn will probably have similar intentions. By creeping out from underneath the ‘Beckham brand’ he might feel he can start afresh as the master of his own destiny, owning his own identity.”
Memoir ‘blueprint’
It was reported last year that Brooklyn and his wife Nicola had dined with Harry and Meghan in California, and royal expert Afua Acheampong-Hagan says she wouldn’t be “surprised if Brooklyn had been somewhat inspired by Prince Harry”. “I think Brooklyn has done the same thing and he has put forward his side of the story, which Harry has done. I think a lot of the time we only see one side of the story and that usually is the dominant family, the family that everybody loves – whether that is the Beckhams or the Windsors – and here you have two people who have decided actually I’m going to give you a bit of a reality check about what this family is really like. And they’re like any family, they’re not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. However much they would like us to believe that they are.”
Spare broke records on it’s publication and reports have claimed that Brooklyn could be poised to follow in his footsteps with the same publishing house. “This is the first time he’s seriously considered telling his side of the story to clear the air,” a source told the Daily Mail. “He’s sick of others rewriting it for him. He’s seen how well the book did for Harry. Same publisher. Same idea of finally telling your truth. That’s not a coincidence.”
The rocky road to reconciliation
But if there is one thing that Prince Harry has proved, it’s that after the anger, the way back home is a hard one and forgiveness is far from guaranteed. After disowning his family, in recent years Harry has been desperate for a reunion, but without much luck. For his part, King Charles has shown that he is willing to try and build bridges with his younger son, but his elder brother Prince William has yet to show any signs that he might one day do the same.
The two brothers, who were once notably close, are still estranged. William’s been dealing with his own personal crises behind closed doors, balancing his royal duties as heir to the throne with the needs of his children, and supporting his wife, Princess Kate, amid her health challenges and chemotherapy – all whilst his father, the monarch, has also been dealing with cancer. Royal experts have said repeatedly that it seems now is not the time for the brothers to mend fences – especially after Harry accused him of violence and aired much of their dirty laundry.
While Brooklyn has made it clear he does not want to speak to his own parents, Afua says that could well change in the future. Afua explains, “Brooklyn at the moment is clearly still very upset and very angry about everything that’s happened and I think that it will take him a minute, but he will hopefully roll back from that position. There’s always room for reconciliation, always, I always maintain that, that it’s always possible.”
Georgina adds that right now, “Stepping away might feel easier than the painful process of trying to solve things,” for Brooklyn, and in situations like this one that have been playing out “for years” it’s easy to “not believe that anything could change.
“Conflict and rupture in families is a normal part of being human. It’s how we repair things that counts.”
Royal expert Jennie Bond tells the Mirror that “It’s always sad when a family falls apart, and even worse when it’’ played out in a public arena. But that’s what Harry, and now Brooklyn, have chosen to do.
“Who knows what the young Beckham will do next?” However she adds there is one key lesson the 26-year-old should try and take from Harry’s journey, “once you lost the trust of your family by revealing things that really should remain private, it’s extremely hard to win it back.”
