Whether it’s debt, inheritance planning, or caring costs, there comes a time when we all have to tackle tough conversations about money
Money is still such a taboo subject these days – and it seems to be even harder with our loved ones.
It’s quite easy to joke with friends about not being able to go out because you’re broke (we’re all in the same place with that one), but talking about money with family can be tricky. This is especially true if you’re struggling with debt and need to talk about it, or if it’s time to look at estate and inheritance planning or considering care costs for older parents. Here’s how to approach those tricky conversations.
Get your facts straight first
Before you sit someone down to talk with them about money, make sure you have all the facts straight. This will help you approach the conversation from a logical and practical standpoint, instead of allowing emotions to take over.
For example, if you’re in debt, be honest about what you owe and how you ended up in this position. If you want to talk to a partner who you think is in debt, approach them with the facts you have and plenty of compassion. Either way, have a plan to tackle the debt together before you speak: having practical steps to hand will help everyone feel supported and avoid negative emotions like blame.
Be gentle about inheritance planning
When you’re speaking to your parents or older family members about their estate planning, it’s important to bear in mind that their money is for them to leave as they see fit. So, if they want to leave it all to a charity – let them. Inheritance is a gift, not a right, so when you approach the conversation about it make sure you open with that sentiment to avoid being accused of acting like a money-grabber.
However, it is important to know that they do, in fact, have things in place. Dying intestate – without a will – can mean their money goes to people they don’t want to have it. Once again, having the facts ready before you talk to them will help you build a logical case and navigate them through what is inevitably an emotional conversation. Most people don’t like to think about their death, so it’s important to give them space to think about what you’ve discussed rather than put any pressure on them on the spot.
Consider care costs
If your partner or parent is ill and in need of residential or home visit care, there can be costs associated with this. With that in mind, be ready to advise them to avoid hasty actions such as giving a large living inheritance away so they are eligible for free or subsidised care. This can be considered deprivation of capital, and will put them in a tough spot.
You or your older relatives might be in fine health for now. It can seem odd to have a conversation about how you would fund care costs when everyone is in good health – but knowing what people’s wishes are ahead of a medical event will help things run more smoothly. It will also mean you (or they) can plan ahead to ensure there is funding to help with health costs – such as going private for an operation if the wait on the NHS will cause them distress.
Talk about futureproofing their health and your relationship, rather than centring the cost. Discuss setting up a health savings account or look into health insurance together, as a way to tackle what can be an emotional conversation with practical steps.
Take a breath
Tough conversations about money can come to a head, especially if people have opposing views. Many families will fall out over money at some point in their lives, but it’s worth remembering that there is always a solution to financial challenges.
If things get too much, take a breath and come back to the conversation at another point. Don’t ambush people into these reprisals either: set a time to talk so they know what to expect, and be prepared to set another time in the future again, too. Big decisions can’t be made in one afternoon, so allow time for options to be considered before chatting again.
If you’re in serious financial trouble, talk to a professional. StepChange and National Debtline are charities that can help you get out of debt, while Citizens Advice Bureau has a lot of support and information for people planning their estates or who need to find additional financial support as they get older.
- Stepchange: 0800 138 1111
- National Debtline:0808 808 4000
- Citizens Advice: 0800 240 4420
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