Dr Miriam Stoppard on love, loss and libido in older ages – ‘Your best sex of your life is still ahead of you. It’s waiting to be woken up’

Legendary Mirror columnist Dr Miriam Stoppard says those in their 60s, 70s and 80s are missing out on great sex. Intimacy in older age can be just as good, if not better, than it was when you were younger. Here’s how…

Age should be no barrier to a healthy sex life, according to legendary Mirror columnist Dr Miriam Stoppard. For many years, the TV personality and author of more than 80 best-selling books, gave frank health advice to Mirror readers. Now 88, she is just as direct when it comes to her tips on improving sex in later life in her new book Sex, Drugs and Walking Sticks: A Guide to Living Your Best Life in Your 60s, 70s, 80s and Beyond.

“I’m here to tell you that you’re missing out on great sex. Intimacy in older age can be just as good, if not better, than it was when you were younger,” she tells The Mirror. “I want people to continue to see themselves as sexual beings. Sex goes on and age is no reason for it to stop.”

READ MORE: I’m a health and sex expert – here’s how to find your libido in older age and have the best orgasm of your life

Dr Miriam, whose books have sold more than 25 million copies, wants older romantics to learn how to put the sparkle back into their sex lives. “Consider it your antidote to ageism,” she says. “Your best sex of your life is still ahead of you if you want it. It’s just there waiting to be woken up.”

Her upbeat tone, incredibly youthful appearance and inspiring message comes despite her fair share of knocks in recent years. “In the last five years, I’ve suffered two bereavements – my husband [Sir] Christoper [Hogg] died five years ago, and just a few weeks ago my ex-husband Tom Stoppard passed away. It’s kind of a double whammy,” says Londoner Dr Miriam.

“But the way his funeral brought the family together and all his friends old and new was such a sweetness. It helped with the grief and the loss.”

Playright and screenwriter Stoppard and Dr Miriam met in the late 1960s – falling in love in 1970, marrying and having two sons, Will, a businessman and Ed, an actor. “We were married for 22 years,” she says. “I’d known him a long time before we got together. He was in my friendship group, but quite frankly, I was too nervous and tongue tied to speak to him. I was intimidated by his literary reputation. But I couldn’t have been more wrong, he was the sweetest person and we had many happy years together.”

But the marriage ended in heartbreak, when Stoppard fell for The Good Life actress Felicity Kendall. “It was in all the papers – he and the actress Felicity Kendall fell in love,” says Dr Miriam.

“It was painful for me, but I wasn’t angry or anything like that. We were separated at the time and he just said ‘Miri, I want to get a divorce. There may be a moment where me and Felicity want to get married’. I think love is so precious. Nobody can control who they fall in love with. Who was I to tell him no? Love is powerful, more powerful than us.”

Her faith in the power of intimacy – especially in our later years – continues to this day. “We all love intimacy and we need intimacy – and we crave it until we die,” she says. Sex, relationships, intimacy, friendships, how you feel about yourself – all of it can get better as you get older.

“I’ve always been fascinated with sex and the female body and I’ve done endless research on the subject. I even wrote a sex book in the 80s. Bu, back then, it was all still a bit taboo. Now, in 2025, it’s time to crumble the stigma of sex in older age.

“Sex at any age provides ecstasy and also reliably makes us feel wanted, cared for, worthwhile, confident and joyous. It brings with it a kind of theatre of positive emotions. And while your body and, therefore, sex, may change at every decade of your life, being intimate is no less enjoyable. Think of sex, whether in a relationship or single, like an essential vitamin – it floods your body with feelgood, vital sex hormones which are like a life force.”

Dr Miriam met her second husband, Sir Christopher, a renowned businessman, at No10, at a dinner party with then Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher. “After meeting in the late 80s, we were together for several years, maybe five, then we got married in the middle to late 90s. I had two wonderful step daughters from him too,” she says.

“He passed away in December 2021. He had dementia, and I nursed him for two to three years before he died. I miss him terribly.” Despite her losses, an eternal optimist, Dr Miriam retains a wonderfully positive outlook on life. “Life very much carries on,” she says. “Old age is a new ball game these days. “Indeed, in your 60s, 70s, and 80s, you are probably the most assertive you have ever been.

“Most people have more free time and disposable income, take holidays, and benefit from medications that can deal with some of the diseases older people can face. “We’re very lucky. This is a new age of good health, happiness – and sex.”

Dr Miriam’s tips for sparkling sex in later life

Forget the past: “You’ve still got it You’re not as virile and sexual as you were when you were younger, and that is fine. Make the most of what you have, which is an awful lot. Your body responds to sex whatever age you are, just the way you did when you were younger, given time. Even if you haven’t had sex for a while you can regain the benefits of being in touch with your sexuality.”

Keep going: “If you have sex all the way through your life, in your 40s and 50s and beyond, you’re likely to keep having good sex later on – so don’t quit! It’s when you give up on sex that it becomes diminished and you may find it harder to get back on the horse, so to speak. Don’t put pressure on yourself and your partner, aim for once a week and it’ll make you feel wonderful.”

Find your libido: “Our libido drops as we get older, and we may not want to have sex as often as we used to when we were younger. We just need to give it a little bit more time to wake it up again. Concentrate on it. Allow yourself to have sexual thoughts. You’ll feel like you have a lot of sex ahead of you if you encourage yourself to think about it. Experiment and explore how to reach into your sexuality and bring it nearer the surface.”

Reignite the spark: “Talk openly with your partner. People think sex is naughty, sinful, that they shouldn’t be having sexual thoughts. I’m giving your permission. Access your libido, and share it with your partner if you have one. Be unafraid to talk about what you have always wanted to do. Honesty is the key to liberating yourself. And even the chat will be arousing. Discuss what you’d really like, what you’ve never done but would really like to try – you’ll find that sex will just flow. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

*Sex, Drugs and Walking Sticks by Dr Miriam Stoppard (Mirror Books, £20) is on sale now.